Here are 29 signs you’re just a hookup—and what to do about it.
The Harsh Truth: They’re Not That Into You
1. They only hit you up late at night or when they’re bored.
2. You never go on actual dates—just straight to their place or yours.
3. They don’t introduce you to their friends or family.
4. They keep conversations shallow and avoid personal topics.
5. You have no idea what they do for work, their interests, or their goals.
6. They disappear for days (or weeks) and then pop back up like nothing happened.
7. They avoid making any future plans with you.
8. You don’t spend time together outside of the bedroom.
9. They never check in on you unless they want to hook up.
10. You always go to their place, and they never invite you over during the day.
The Communication Is Trash
11. Their texts are short and dry—if they respond at all.
12. You initiate almost every conversation.
13. They never ask about your day or show interest in your life.
14. They leave you on read, then suddenly reappear when it’s convenient for them.
15. They don’t save your number—or they keep you in their phone under some weird nickname.
16. They never call, FaceTime, or make an effort to stay in touch.
17. They avoid talking about what you “are” or where things are going.
Their Actions Speak Louder Than Words
18. They never stay the night—or they always leave before morning.
19. You don’t do normal couple things like cuddling, watching movies, or hanging out without hooking up.
20. They treat you differently in public than in private.
21. They don’t care if you date other people.
22. You’re not on their social media, and they don’t interact with yours.
23. They don’t remember important details about you.
24. You feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, afraid to ask for more.
25. You catch them flirting with (or hooking up with) other people.
You’re Putting In All The Effort
26. You rearrange your schedule for them, but they won’t do the same for you.
27. They cancel last minute or make plans only when it suits them.
28. They get distant if you bring up anything serious.
29. Deep down, you already know the answer—you just don’t want to admit it.
What To Do If You’re Stuck In Hookup Limbo
If you just read that list and thought, “Yep, that’s me,” don’t panic. You’re not alone, and you’re definitely not stuck. Here’s how to take back control and stop wasting time on someone who doesn’t value you.
1. Be Honest With Yourself
Do you actually want a relationship with this person, or are you just craving affection? Sometimes, we chase unavailable people because it feels exciting—but excitement doesn’t equal emotional security. Ask yourself if they genuinely make you happy or if you’re just hoping they’ll change.
2. Stop Making Excuses For Them
If they wanted something more, they’d act like it. Simple as that. No one is too busy to send a quick text or plan a real date. If they’re keeping things casual, it’s because that’s all they want. Instead of hoping they’ll come around, believe their actions.
3. Set Boundaries
If you want more, tell them. And if they can’t give it to you, be willing to walk away. You deserve someone who actually wants to be with you—not just when it’s convenient for them.
4. Pull Back & See What Happens
Stop initiating. Stop rearranging your life for them. Stop responding right away. If they truly care, they’ll step up. If not, you just got your answer without having to beg for it.
5. Focus On Yourself
Go out with friends, pick up a new hobby, hit the gym—do anything that makes you feel good about yourself. The more you build a fulfilling life outside of them, the less you’ll feel the need to settle for crumbs.
6. Leave If You’re Not Happy
At the end of the day, if you’re hoping for more while they’re keeping things casual, you’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak. There are people out there who will want you in every way—emotionally, physically, and everything in between. Don’t waste your energy on someone who won’t even text back consistently.
The Bottom Line
If someone treats you like a hookup, believe them. Don’t sit around waiting for them to change or suddenly realize you’re “the one.” If you want a real relationship, find someone who actually wants to be with you—not just when it’s convenient for them.Life’s too short to waste time on people who don’t care enough to treat you right. Cut them loose, move on, and find something that actually makes you feel valued.