Finding your person: how real people actually meet someone who sticks

Why it’s not just luck (even if it feels like it)

Finding a life partner has become the modern version of chasing Bigfoot. People say it happens. Friends of friends talk about someone who found their person. But when you’re out there, swiping till your thumb goes numb and going on dates that feel like job interviews? Yeah, it doesn’t feel magical.

But here’s the good news — real people still meet. A Pew survey found that 3 in 10 adults say they met their partner through apps, mutual friends, or places like work. So no, you’re not doomed. You just might have to shift how you think about it.

Shared values beat shared hobbies

Let’s clear this up early. People get distracted by the shiny stuff — do they also love hiking? Are they into the same shows? That’s nice, but it’s not what keeps people together.

According to Dr. Linda Morrison, a psychologist who’s worked with couples for 20 years, it’s the boring stuff that counts. “People who last are on the same page about money, family, and how they handle stress,” she says. So yeah, shared values? Way more important than whether you both like sushi.

A huge study from 2024 backed that up: 78% of singles said shared values were their #1 priority. Not looks, not hobbies. Which makes sense. Who cares if they’re cute if they disappear when things get hard?

Dating apps: friend or frenemy?

Let’s be real. Everyone’s tired of apps. But they’re not going anywhere, and frankly, they do work… sometimes. That same study showed that nearly 40% of married couples met online last year.

But what nobody says? Most people had to go through 10, 15, sometimes 20 dates before they met someone worth seeing again. So if you’re burning out on swiping, yeah — that’s normal. Apps are a tool, not a magic button. Use them when you’re in the mood. Shut them off when they make you want to throw your phone out the window.

Be picky — but about the right stuff

This part gets tricky. Everyone says, “Don’t settle!” but also, “You’re too picky!” So which is it?

Dating coach Jordan Fields puts it simply: be selective about things that actually affect daily life. Can they handle stress without turning it into a disaster? Are they kind when nobody’s watching? Do they want the same kind of future you do?

Skip the checklist about height, salary, or if they’ve been to Bali. That stuff fades. The way they treat people? That sticks.

Don’t underestimate the friend hookup

Yes, setups through friends can be awkward. Maybe your best friend’s taste is questionable (remember when they tried to fix you up with that guy who still lived with his ex?).

But data says this works. Nearly 1 in 4 couples met through mutual friends. People like people they trust, and even if the setup is a dud, you might meet someone else through that circle.

So yeah, go to that birthday party, even if you’d rather binge Netflix. Sometimes the most random invites lead to real connections.

Watch how they handle the boring stuff

Here’s where a lot of people miss the mark. It’s easy to be charming during a fun night out. But long-term stuff lives in the boring moments.

Do they flake when things get tricky? Or do they stick around and figure it out? One person said they knew they found their person when she helped fix a leaky sink without making it a thing. No big speech, no drama — just rolled up her sleeves and helped. That’s real life.

Ignore the fake timeline

If you’re stressing because everyone on Instagram got engaged in under a year, take a breath. That’s the highlight reel. Reality looks different.

A national survey showed most couples date for 2 to 5 years before they even think about engagement. So if you’re still looking after a year or two? Totally normal. People just don’t post about their dating dry spells.

You’re gonna need a sense of humor

Here’s the hard truth: dating is weird. Always has been. Always will be. One woman shared that her date brought his mom along — yes, really. Another guy sat through two hours of his date ranting about her ex.

If you can laugh about it later, you win. The people who survive the dating game are the ones who shrug off the disasters and keep going.

What actually makes love last?

It’s not about finding someone perfect. That’s a myth. It’s about finding someone whose weirdness works with yours. Someone who makes life easier, not harder. Someone who doesn’t make you feel small or second-guess your worth.

It’s in the small stuff: they bring you coffee because they thought of you, not because you asked. They help you move a couch without complaining. They show up when it matters.

So, what now?

Show up. Try things. Say yes to that BBQ, even if it feels awkward. Swipe when you’re in the mood, but don’t treat it like a job. And when someone does the small things — remembering your snack, helping out without fuss — notice that. That’s where real love grows.

Because it’s not built on grand gestures. It’s built on random Tuesdays, grocery runs, and fixing stuff together when life gets messy.

Find that? You’re golden.