You know that sinking feeling when you’re always the one texting first? Or when someone says, “Let’s hang soon!” and then disappears like socks in the dryer? Yeah. That’s what we’re talking about today. Because if someone wants you around, you won’t have to chase them down like you’re auditioning for a reality show.
Let’s get into the messy, honest truth of it.
If someone wants to, they will
This line gets tossed around a lot, and honestly, it’s because it’s painfully true. If someone cares—whether it's a friend, a partner, a cousin, whoever—they’ll make some kind of effort. Doesn’t have to be grand. Doesn’t need fireworks or handwritten poetry (unless that’s your thing). But there will be something.
A good morning text. A “thinking of you” meme. Asking how your big meeting went. These things take like... four seconds. And yet, when someone’s not into it, even four seconds is apparently too much.
Psychologists say that effort in relationships doesn’t always come from deep emotions—it can also come from simple priorities. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, when people care, they find ways to stay connected. Even if they’re busy, even if they’re tired, even if their cat knocked over a plant and now they’re covered in potting soil.
Bottom line? You don’t have to chase someone who’s already walking toward you.
If someone keeps showing you the same pattern, believe them
Let’s talk patterns. Not the cute ones on throw pillows—the ones in behavior. Like someone who keeps bailing on plans. Or always needing something but never offering anything in return. Or getting defensive the moment you bring up something real.
Here’s the deal: if someone shows you who they are more than once, you should probably take their word for it. You might tell yourself, “Well, maybe they didn’t mean it,” or “They’re just going through something,” but at some point, it’s not a fluke—it’s a pattern.
And patterns are louder than excuses.
Sure, people have bad days. We all do. But if someone always makes you feel like you’re too much, or never enough? That’s not a bad day. That’s just who they are around you.
If someone makes you question your worth, step back
Let’s say you start feeling anxious around someone—not because you’re shy, but because you’re constantly wondering if you’re annoying them. You reread texts before sending them. You apologize for normal things, like asking a question or expressing a feeling.
If that’s happening, something’s off.
If someone cares about you, they won’t make you feel like loving them is a tightrope walk. They won’t keep you guessing. And they definitely won’t make you shrink yourself just to fit in their comfort zone.
Here’s a little reminder: You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re not “too needy.” You’re just reacting to being treated like a backup plan.
If someone respects you, you’ll feel safe being real
This part’s big. Respect doesn’t mean someone likes your latest Instagram post. It means they listen without rolling their eyes. It means they don’t mock your ideas or talk over you. And it means they treat you the same whether you’re in a crowd or alone together.
Ever notice how you can feel calm around certain people? Like you don’t need to fake a mood or explain your silence? That’s respect. That’s what care actually feels like.
On the flip side, if someone only “likes” you when you’re happy, easy, and useful to them? That’s not care. That’s convenience.
If someone wants to leave, let them
Oof, this one stings—but it’s real.
Sometimes the hardest thing is not begging someone to stay. Because deep down, you know: If someone wants to walk away, the best thing you can do is hold the door.
You could pour your heart into a relationship and still be left with silence. You could give someone every soft, patient part of you and still end up with crumbs. But the longer you try to glue something together that keeps falling apart, the more it drains your spirit.
And don’t worry—this isn’t some “you need to be perfect” speech. You can be messy and complicated and stubborn and still deserve someone who chooses you.
The real ones won’t make you guess
At the end of the day, if someone truly values you, you’ll know. You won’t have to chase clarity. You won’t need to stalk their likes or analyze every emoji. You’ll just feel it.Because effort doesn’t have to be big—it just has to be there. A check-in. A random gif. An actual plan instead of endless “we should do something soon.”
So next time you're questioning where you stand with someone, ask yourself this: Are they showing up, or are they just showing off when it's convenient?
And if the answer doesn’t make you feel safe, warm, or even just seen… maybe it’s time to be the one who walks away.
Because you? You deserve people who don't leave you guessing.
And chocolate. Lots of chocolate.