So what exactly does selfishness in a relationship look like? It’s not just about someone hogging the last slice of pizza (though, let’s be honest, that’s a red flag too). It’s about a pattern of behavior where one person prioritizes their wants, needs, and comfort at the expense of the other person. And let’s be real—every relationship has some level of selfishness. But when it starts to dominate, things can go south fast.
Signs your partner might be too selfish
Before you start side-eyeing your partner over breakfast, let’s go through some common signs of selfishness in a relationship.
- They make everything about them. You had a bad day? Somehow, they had a worse one. You got a promotion? Oh, but they’ve been “working so hard” too. It’s like emotional one-upping.
- They don’t compromise. If their idea of compromise is “Let’s do what I want, and you can be happy for me,” then yeah, that’s not compromise.
- They expect constant support but give little in return. You’ve become their personal cheerleader, but when you need a pep talk? Crickets.
- They don’t take responsibility. Ever tried bringing up an issue, only to end up apologizing for even mentioning it? Classic selfish move.
- They ignore your needs. Whether it’s emotional support, quality time, or just remembering that you hate olives on your pizza, they don’t put in the effort to make you feel valued.
When is selfishness a deal-breaker?
Look, no one is perfect. Everyone has selfish moments (hello, eating the last chocolate bar and pretending you forgot they wanted it too—oops). But the real question is whether your partner is willing to change. If they brush off your concerns, gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting, or flat-out refuse to meet you halfway, then it’s probably time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Healthy relationships are about teamwork. If your partner treats your needs like an annoying side quest instead of part of the main storyline, you deserve better.
Why do people act selfish in relationships?
There are a ton of reasons why someone might act selfish. Maybe they grew up in an environment where they always had to put themselves first. Maybe they’ve been in relationships where they were always the giver, so now they’re overcompensating. Or maybe they’re just, well, kind of self-absorbed.
Some people aren’t even aware they’re being selfish. They assume their way of doing things is just normal. But here’s the thing—being in a relationship means stepping outside of your bubble and caring about someone else’s happiness, too.
Can a selfish partner change?
Good news: yes, people can change. Bad news: only if they actually want to. If your partner is open to feedback and willing to put in effort, there’s hope. But if every conversation about their behavior turns into a dramatic “I guess I’m just the worst person ever” meltdown, then... well, that’s another issue entirely.
Change takes time, effort, and, most importantly, self-awareness. If your partner is willing to acknowledge their selfish tendencies and work on them, that’s a huge step in the right direction.
What to do if you're the selfish one
Hey, no judgment. If reading this made you realize you might be the one hogging all the emotional bandwidth, congrats on the self-awareness! Now it’s time to fix it.
- Listen more than you talk. Seriously, just stop and really hear what your partner is saying.
- Check in on their needs. Ask, “What can I do to support you today?” It’s a simple question that can make a big difference.
- Compromise for real. If your idea of compromise is still just doing what you want, rethink that strategy.
- Give as much as you take. Relationships aren’t meant to be one-sided.
Final thoughts (okay, not final final)
Selfishness in a relationship is like a slow leak in a boat. At first, it’s just a little water. Annoying, but manageable. But ignore it long enough, and suddenly, you’re sinking. The good news? If both people are willing to work on things, it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker.The bottom line: A relationship should feel like a partnership, not a solo performance with an audience of one. If you’re constantly giving and not getting anything back, it might be time to rethink things. Love is about mutual care, respect, and—yes—sometimes sacrificing the last slice of pizza. (Okay, maybe just half of it.)