It never feels obvious in the beginning. It’s not like he comes out and says something, or even makes a move. It’s smaller than that. A laugh that lasts a beat longer than it should. A message out of nowhere at ten at night with a dumb meme attached. A random detail that only you thought you remembered — except somehow, he does too.
And then it hits you: this guy has a wife.
That’s when things get complicated. Not because anything physical has happened, but because what’s going on doesn’t need to be physical to feel real. Sometimes it’s worse when it isn’t.
The look that lingers
You know that feeling when someone’s eyes stay just a little too long? Not in a creepy way, but in a “why are you still looking at me?” way. He doesn’t say anything. He probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. But you notice. Your stomach notices. The rest of your day notices.
One woman once told me, “My boyfriend forgot my coffee order, but this married guy at work remembered mine down to the oat milk. It messed with me.”
That’s how it sneaks up. Quiet, almost invisible to anyone else. But to you, it’s loud.
He remembers the small stuff
A passing comment about a dentist appointment? He brings it up weeks later. The snack you like when you’re stressed? He shows up with it. Compliments that aren’t generic but oddly specific: “That color works on you,” instead of “You look nice.”
Someone else I spoke to said her office guy fixed the squeaky wheel on her chair when she wasn’t even there. Didn’t mention it. Just… silence. The chair stopped squeaking.
That kind of effort is hard to brush off.
He’s around more than he needs to be
Does he need to walk you to your car? No. Does he need to hang around after meetings, talking about nothing in particular? Again, no. But he does it anyway. Not huge gestures — just his presence. A little too much of it.
And when he talks about his wife, it doesn’t always sound casual. Sometimes it feels like he’s reminding himself.
A therapist I once interviewed said, “When someone starts weaving themselves into another person’s daily routine without a reason, it usually means there is a reason.”
That protective streak
He’ll defend you in meetings before you even realize you need defending. He gets tense if someone teases you too hard. Sometimes he checks in quietly — “You okay?” — like he’s tuned in to something others don’t see.
One woman laughed telling me, “He used to refill my water bottle when I left it on my desk. Who even does that?” Sweet. Strange. Both at once.
And then there’s the wall
Because the truth is, he’s still married. Most of the time nothing crosses a line, not out loud, not physically. Which makes it even more confusing. If he said something blunt, you could shut it down. But it’s all under the surface: glances, tiny kindnesses, little cracks of attention that add up.
That’s why you find yourself wondering if you’re imagining it. Spoiler: you’re not.
One woman told me, “He said I was the only person who really understood him. Then I’d see him on Instagram smiling with his wife. I thought I was losing my mind.”
So does he care?
Hard to say. Men in this situation rarely spell it out. But if you feel it — in your gut, in the way you overthink his texts, in the way you look forward to seeing him — that’s your answer. It doesn’t need a confession. It’s there.
And the strangest part? You might catch yourself caring too. Smiling at your phone when his name pops up. Noticing what shirt he wears. Feeling just a little too happy when he remembers the smallest thing about you. That’s when it shifts from harmless to something heavier.
No neat lesson here
I’m not here to judge. People catch feelings. People get attached. Married or not. It doesn’t make anyone a villain. It makes everyone human.
But if you ever find yourself in this strange corner, the only thing that really matters is being honest with yourself. Because whether it fizzles out or grows into something messier, you’re the one left holding it.