We’re talking about the characteristics of a self-absorbed person—the kind that make you question whether you're hanging out with a friend or just serving as a background actor in their personal movie.
Let’s break down what that really looks like in the wild. No academic jargon, just real-life behavior that you’ve probably seen... or maybe even done once or twice (we’re all human, no judgment!).
It’s always about them
You mention you had a stressful week, and suddenly they're telling you about their stressful week from 2018 and how no one had it worse than they did. Somehow, your story disappears completely from the convo. Classic.
One of the biggest characteristics of a self-absorbed person is that they constantly center the conversation around themselves. Like, you could be talking about your sick dog, and they’d find a way to bring it back to their own vet trauma from five years ago. They don’t even do it out of cruelty—it’s just how their brain is wired. Other people’s feelings are like background music to their internal playlist.
Listening is not their strong suit
If you ever feel like you’re talking to a wall that occasionally nods and says “yeah, totally,” that might be a sign. These folks tend to hear without really listening. Your words go in one ear, swirl around their ego, and come out the other end as, “Speaking of that, let me tell you more about me.”
A 2019 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people with narcissistic traits are more likely to tune out when others are speaking—unless the topic is directly about them. No surprise there.
They don’t say “thank you” very often
Self-absorbed people often treat kindness like it’s owed to them. Hold the door for them? Silence. Help them move last minute on a Sunday morning? “Cool, thanks” if you’re lucky.
Gratitude just isn’t something they’re thinking about much. It’s not that they’re purposely rude; they just operate on this subconscious belief that they deserve special treatment. And when they get it, it doesn’t really register as something worth acknowledging.
Empathy? Meh
If you tell them you’re going through something tough and they respond with, “That sucks,” and then move on to how they stubbed their toe this morning, you might be in the presence of someone who's deeply self-focused.
One of the big characteristics of a self-absorbed person is a lack of empathy. They struggle to put themselves in someone else’s shoes—unless those shoes are designer and look good on Instagram.
In everyday life, this shows up in subtle ways. Like, if you’re crying and they seem annoyed because it “kills the vibe,” or if they talk over you when you’re clearly upset. It’s not just inconsiderate—it’s exhausting.
Apologies are rare—and weird
Ever hear an apology like, “I’m sorry you feel that way”? Yeah, that’s not a real apology. That’s a deflection dressed up in polite words.
Self-absorbed folks are allergic to accountability. Admitting fault makes them uncomfortable because, in their mind, they’re always the main character—and the main character never does anything that wrong.
This makes conflict resolution super hard. Instead of saying, “Hey, I messed up,” they’ll twist the story until it sounds like you’re the unreasonable one for getting upset.
They always need an audience
We all like a little validation now and then. But if someone constantly posts their every meal, gym selfie, outfit, and minor emotional epiphany online like they’re curating an exhibit called “Me: A Life”, it might be about more than just staying connected.
Sure, social media is part of modern life. But when someone is obsessed with how they appear to others, it can be one of those sneaky characteristics of a self-absorbed person. Especially if their mood depends on how many likes or fire emojis they got on their latest selfie.
And don’t even think about telling them you didn’t see their post. That’s basically a personal attack.
They don’t return the favor
Remember their birthday, check in when they’re sick, listen to their endless rants? Great. But don’t expect the same in return.
Self-absorbed people are often emotionally high-maintenance but socially low-investment. They ask for a lot—but give very little. And if you bring it up? You’ll probably get hit with something like, “Sorry, I’ve just been super busy lately.”
Funny how they always have time when they need something.
So what do you do with that?
Well, you don’t need to cut someone off just because they check a few of these boxes. A lot of us have self-centered moments—like ordering dessert while your friend’s on a juice cleanse. Oops.
But if someone constantly drains your energy, leaves you feeling invisible, or only shows up when it benefits them, it might be time to set some boundaries.
Self-absorbed behavior doesn’t always come from a bad place. Sometimes it’s insecurity, stress, or just not having the self-awareness to realize what they’re doing. Still, that doesn’t mean you have to stick around and put up with it.
Your time and energy matter. And any friendship—romantic, platonic, or otherwise—shouldn’t feel like a one-way street with a toll booth you didn’t agree to.
One last thing
Next time you're around someone who just loves to talk about themselves, take a second to notice how you feel after. Drained? Dismissed? Or just bored to tears?That little gut-check might tell you everything you need to know about the relationship—and whether you’re dealing with someone who’s just going through a phase or showing the classic characteristics of a self-absorbed person.
And if you're thinking, “Wait, I do some of this stuff too,” hey, join the club. The good news? Just noticing it probably means you’re not totally self-absorbed.
Progress, right?