So here's the deal. The bare minimum isn’t some fluffy concept pulled from a self-help book. It’s real. And sometimes, painfully familiar.
The basics aren’t the bonus—they’re the baseline
Some folks think that being treated with respect, getting a reply to your texts, or having someone ask how your day was is something to brag about. Sorry, but no. That’s not impressive—it’s the bare minimum. Those aren’t extra points. That’s the price of admission to being a decent partner.
A 2022 study from the Pew Research Center found that 73% of people who are in committed relationships say feeling respected is “very important.” Not nice to have. Important. If your partner doesn’t respect your time, opinions, or needs, that’s not a rough patch—that’s a red flag.
If you're constantly second-guessing where you stand...
...you might be stuck with the bare minimum. You shouldn't need a crystal ball to know if someone cares about you. And if you're replaying every text in your head trying to figure out what they really meant by "k," that’s exhausting. Relationships shouldn’t be mind games. They should feel like... peace. Or at least not like emotional dodgeball.
Think about this: When you're sick, does your partner bring you soup—or do they disappear like your will to go to the gym after work? When something amazing happens at work, do they celebrate with you—or change the subject back to themselves? These little moments say a lot.
Let’s talk about emotional effort
We're not talking about grand romantic gestures here. No skywriting or surprise vacations required. We're talking about emotional consistency. Checking in. Noticing when something’s off. Showing up—not just physically, but emotionally. The bare minimum in a relationship means being emotionally available at least to the point where your partner doesn’t feel invisible.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, a licensed psychologist and couples counselor, told The Cut that emotional safety is non-negotiable. “You don’t need someone to fix all your problems," she said, "but you do need someone who will sit next to you in them.”
Boom. There it is.
Let’s talk about effort. Real effort.
One of the biggest signs someone is giving you the bare minimum? They never initiate. You're the one always texting first. Making plans. Starting conversations. And at some point, you start wondering, “Would this person even notice if I stopped trying?”
If you’ve ever done that thing where you wait to see how long it’ll take for them to reach out—you’re not alone. And the sad part? Sometimes the silence is deafening. That’s when it hits: You’ve been doing all the work.
Healthy relationships don’t run on one person’s Wi-Fi signal. It takes two people—both logging in, both keeping the connection strong.
"At least they don’t cheat” isn’t a compliment
This one’s tough but real. If your biggest praise for your partner is “Well, they don’t cheat,” that’s a low bar. Like, sidewalk-level low. That’s not a sign of a great relationship—that’s literally the minimum expectation.
Saying “At least they don’t yell at me” or “At least they don’t ghost me” is like applauding someone for not stealing your lunch. We’ve got to raise our standards a little.
Settling feels safe... but it slowly eats at you
Sometimes we accept the bare minimum because it feels safer than being alone. Loneliness can be brutal. Especially when your friends are posting cute couple selfies and you’re trying to get your cat to pose with you for the fourth time. But here's the thing: Being alone is way better than constantly wondering if someone even likes you.
And hey, loneliness is real—but it’s temporary. The damage from a relationship that constantly leaves you feeling small? That sticks around a while longer.
So what is the bare minimum in a relationship?
Let’s lay it out:
- They communicate with basic consistency (and not just when they’re bored).
- They treat you with respect—always.
- They support you emotionally—not just when it’s convenient.
- They take responsibility for their actions.
- They put in actual effort.
That’s it. Not a novel. Just the basics.
Anything less than that? It’s crumbs. And you deserve more than crumbs.
It’s okay to expect more
Wanting kindness, support, effort, and actual interest in your life doesn’t make you needy. It makes you human. The right person won’t make you feel like you’re asking for too much when you’re really just asking for what should already be there.
And yes, relationships take work. But there’s a difference between working on something and working for something that’s already half-empty. One feels hopeful. The other just feels exhausting.
A little real talk before we go
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Yikes, this sounds familiar,” you’re not alone. A lot of us have been there—stuck in that weird in-between space where we’re getting just enough to stay but not enough to feel happy.Sometimes we hold on hoping things will change. And hey, maybe they will. But if you keep having to convince yourself that this is fine, that this is love... you might want to take a second look.
Remember: The bare minimum is just the start. Not the finish line.
Now go eat something good, take a walk, or text someone who actually makes you feel excited to hear from them. You deserve that. And more.