So how do they do it? What sets the “wow” moments apart from the “meh”? We dug around—talked to sex therapists, looked at research, even ran a quiet little online survey with 132 women and 98 men to get the real story.
Turns out, the magic isn’t in some secret trick. It’s in how it's done. The vibe. The energy. And yeah, a couple of techniques that deserve gold medals.
It’s not about technique first. It’s about attitude.
According to clinical sexologist Dr. Keisha White, “The best oral sex isn’t about technique—it’s about enthusiasm. A lot of men say what turns them on the most is seeing that their partner actually wants to be doing it.”
That tracks. In our anonymous survey, 78% of men said they could immediately tell when a woman was only doing it out of obligation. And that completely killed the mood.
So yeah—if you’re just checking a box, the result is going to feel like someone reading a script. But if there’s real energy behind it? Game changer.
The slow start is everything
There’s this weird rush to “get going” with oral. But according to sex educator Marissa Fields, “The buildup is where most of the pleasure lives.” She compares it to music—you don’t jump straight to the chorus.
So what does that look like? One woman in our survey said she always starts by kissing around the inner thighs and stomach first. “It makes everything feel more intense when I do start.” That kind of teasing is a huge win—71% of men in our survey said they wish their partner would take more time before going straight for it.
Basically: slow down, build up, then go in.
Eye contact: weird or hot?
This one’s surprisingly divisive. Some people swear by it, others get nervous. But here’s the thing—done right, a little glance up at the right time can short-circuit a man’s brain.
“It creates this emotional jolt,” says therapist Lucas N., who works with couples on sexual communication. “It’s not about staring the whole time like a serial killer. Just those little looks that say, ‘Yeah, I see you losing it.’”
Out of the 98 men we surveyed, 64 said eye contact made the whole experience way hotter—if it was playful and confident, not forced.
Use your hands. Seriously.
There’s this myth that oral should be “mouth only.” But in reality? The women who get rave reviews aren’t trying to be superheroes. They use their hands too.
One popular technique we heard over and over was the twist-and-glide move—where the hand moves in sync with the mouth, twisting slightly as it goes. Sounds simple, but apparently, it’s a crowd-pleaser.
A few women even mentioned using both hands—one at the base, one teasing elsewhere. The idea is to create different sensations at once. As one woman put it: “It’s like doing a duet instead of a solo.”
Moaning = encouragement
If you’ve ever wondered whether making a little noise during a BJ is weird… it’s not. It’s appreciated. A lot.
In fact, 85% of men in the survey said they found it insanely hot when a woman made any kind of noise. It doesn’t have to be over the top—just something to say, “Yeah, I’m into this.”
It’s not just about turning him on either. Experts say it makes the moment feel more connected. More alive. Less like a silent movie.
It’s not about deep-throating. No, really.
Let’s clear this up. The porn move where everything disappears? It’s not required. And most men—especially the ones with actual empathy—don’t expect it.
What they do like, according to the data, is rhythm. Consistency. And variety.
Dr. White says, “The gag reflex gets too much attention. Focus on what feels good for both of you. Some of the best oral involves staying at the top, playing with your tongue, varying pressure. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
And yes, if you want to go deeper, do it slowly, with control. But if not? Don’t sweat it. There are a dozen other ways to blow someone’s mind.
Breaks are not a failure—they’re a tool
Women in our survey who got high praise mentioned something interesting—they paused on purpose.
One woman said she’d stop every few minutes just to kiss his stomach, or lick slowly around without touching the tip. “It makes everything feel more intense when I go back to it.”
This isn’t about stalling—it’s about contrast. Hot and cold. Fast and slow. On and off. It makes everything feel sharper.
Nobody wants a routine
Just like nobody wants the same exact dinner every night, no one wants the same moves on repeat.
“If you can remember just one thing,” said therapist Lucas, “it’s this: do what works and then mix it up.” Even something as small as changing positions—lying on your side, letting him sit up, or moving between his legs—can make it feel brand new.
Also? Talk about it. Not in some awkward “let’s discuss our feelings” way. Just casually. “Did you like that?” “Want more of this?” It doesn’t have to be deep. Just curious.
One last thing—don’t ignore what’s around it
The best experiences, according to both men and women in the survey, didn’t start with someone kneeling in front of someone else. They started with flirting hours earlier. A hand under the dinner table. A dirty text. A shared look across the room.The blowjob was just the cherry on top.
And maybe that’s the real secret. The best ones don’t feel like a chore or a performance. They feel like a moment—one where everything lines up just right, and nobody’s overthinking anything.
Which, let’s be honest, is pretty rare. But when it happens? Damn.