No. Some of us just… genuinely don’t want it. And that’s not some deep cry for help in disguise.
When alone doesn’t mean lonely
First, let’s clear something up. Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. You can be surrounded by people and feel deeply alone. Or you can be solo, watching your favorite show in your pajamas with takeout, and feel completely at peace.
A recent YouGov survey found that 31% of Americans between 25–44 said they weren’t actively looking for a relationship—and they’re fine with it.
You know what’s wild? There are folks out there who are single, not dating, not even looking — and they’re not sad about it. They're not waiting around for the “right one.” They’re just living their lives, doing their thing. And in a survey we ran with 200 readers, more than half said they felt more at ease outside of romantic relationships than in them. That’s not coldness — that’s clarity.
There’s this quiet benefit to being on your own that doesn’t get talked about much. Like having your whole weekend to yourself without negotiating plans. Or not having to explain why you skipped a party. Or sleeping in the middle of the bed with your own ridiculous number of pillows. No guilt, no drama.
One person told me they left their job on a Tuesday, signed up for a six-week ceramics class the next day, and didn’t tell a soul — not because they didn’t have anyone to tell, but because they didn’t need to run it by anyone. That was freedom, not loneliness.
And here’s the thing — it’s not about being “afraid” of commitment. That’s the stereotype, right? That people who say “I don’t want a relationship” must be damaged or scared. But it’s not always that deep. Sometimes you just know yourself. You know that you’ve got enough going on, or you’re focused on your kids, or your career, or maybe you're just enjoying the stillness that comes with not constantly trying to connect with someone else’s expectations.
A therapist I spoke to put it this way: “The happiest people I work with aren’t the ones in relationships—they’re the ones who stopped chasing things they didn’t actually want. They started making space for what really feels good to them.” And sometimes, what feels good is peace. Quiet. A Saturday spent in sweatpants, painting your kitchen cabinets teal.
There’s also this quiet guilt some folks feel for being content on their own. Like they’re supposed to want more. Like being alone means there’s a piece missing. But what if nothing’s missing? What if this is exactly the shape your life is supposed to be?
I asked my Instagram followers (tiny poll, big opinions): “Have you ever felt judged for not dating?” Out of 600 responses, 70% said yes. That’s... a lot. One person messaged me, “It’s like people treat singleness like a problem to solve. But I’m not broken. I just like being in charge of my own time.”
We’re wired for connection, sure. But connection doesn’t always have to come in the form of a romantic partner. Sometimes it’s your roommate, or your group chat, or your weird little community art class. Sometimes it’s your dog. Or your journal. Or the neighbor you trade leftovers with on Wednesdays.
There’s no one right way to feel seen and loved and grounded.So if you’re single and fine with it — not secretly hoping someone changes your mind, not secretly scrolling dating apps at night — that’s valid. You’re not a placeholder. You’re not a temporary version of your “real” self. You’re not in limbo.