Don’t treat it like a race to the finish line
Seriously, nobody ever won anything by going 100 mph on someone’s genitals. I’ve had guys go from “Hey” to “In you go” in two seconds flat, and it’s like being mugged. That’s not sexy. That’s like… “Oh cool, you’re violent.”
A friend once said, “If you feel like you’re late to a meeting in your brain, you’re messing up.” So slow. Slow is good. Hang out. Touch thighs. Let your hand hover. Warm it up. Literally do nothing for 30 seconds. That moment counts.
It’s not just about fingers, it’s about your whole damn self
If your fingers are the only part of you down there, you're doing it wrong. Your palm, your thumb, your wrist, your breathing—all of it matters. It's like a whole-body performance, not a solo act.
I talked to this one dude who told me, “The best time I had, she just held me and kissed my neck. Fingers were there but it was the rest that did it.” Sound familiar? Your contact isn’t just physical. It’s emotional, weirdly.
Your nails better not be long or jagged
I shouldn’t have to say this but here I am. File them. Smooth them. Wash your hands. Imagine someone rubbed their nails across your gums. Now stop thinking it won’t happen to someone else because you think your nails are short. Short. Smooth. Clean.
And lube. Always lube. Even if it’s wet. Slide.
The clit is not a button to mash
This is important. People think rubbing the clit fast = good? No. That’s like rubbing the screen of your phone hoping it doesn’t crack. It’s too sensitive.
Go around it. Lips. Hood. Sides. Trace circles. Use soft spots of your fingers. Apply gentle pressure. Wait. See how their body moves. If they tense up? Soften. If they grind? Keep going.
One friend described it as “Like painting with watercolors, not pounding a nail,” and that stuck with me.
Inside stuff? Don’t just plunge it in
If you’re gonna finger inside, don’t be a caveman. Curl your fingers up like you’re saying “Come here.” Not aggressively—like you’re politely inviting.
You’re aiming for a spongy area. Yeah, some call it the G-spot, but that makes it sound magical. It’s not. Just an area that can feel good for some. Not everyone likes it. Use feedback. Pull fingers back sometimes. Pause. Let them feel it. It’s not fast motion.
Be with them, not just doing something to them
Real talk: The best fingering I experienced wasn’t because of hand skill. It was because the person was there. Looked me in the eyes. Kissed my jaw while doing it. Breathed with me.
It’s easy to get into performance mode—keeping a rhythm like you’re playing drums. Don’t. Mess it up. Pause. Switch tempo. Whisper something dumb. Laugh if you feel awkward. It’s sex, not a recital.
Ask questions, casually, like you're chatting
You can ask without killing the mood. “Like that?” is fine. “Wanna more?” is fine. Make it fun. If they say “Uhh maybe a bit to the right,” okay. You adjust. Not like it’s a survey, more like a conversation. Sexy conversation.
Not everyone wants orgasm, and that’s okay
Lots of people think fingering is just a warm-up. No. It can be the main freaking event. And it doesn’t have to end with an explosive finish! Sometimes it’s hot just because. A slow build, together.
Funny how no one ever talks about how long that build can be. Like hours. Yeah. Some like that.
Quick messy tips from real folks
- “He didn’t touch me for a solid minute. I was like WTF is happening—but then boom.”
- “Worst time: Dude shoved his fingers in during brunch. We weren’t even alone.”
- “She kissed my shoulder while fingering me. I was melting.”
- “I had someone go too hard too fast and I got bruised. Not fun.”
Here’s your ‘unofficial’ cheat sheet
- Slow… so slow it feels wrong.
- Cut your nails. Smooth. Clean.
- Lube = yes. Every time.
- Use fingers + palm + body connection.
- Clit: Gentle circles, sides, light pressure.
- Inside: “Come here” curl, don’t thrust.
- Pause. Breathe. Pause again.
- Ask casually. Like, “More/less?”
- Presence > performance.
- Orgasm is optional. Intimacy isn’t.
I could keep going, but hey, this is already plenty to think about. Just remember: take it slow, pay attention, and don’t stress if it’s not perfect. Everyone’s different, and that’s what makes it interesting. So, go easy, have fun, and don’t overthink it.