Make swiping intentional, not accidental Instead of endless scroll, try what I call the “swipe snack.” One participant in my survey set a ten-minute timer before opening the app. When the timer dings, they close the app and do something totally unrelated—like playing with their dog or brewing a proper cup of coffee. Dr. Maya Reynolds, a Seattle-based relationship coach, told me, “Small boundaries remind you that you’re in charge. It transforms swiping from autopilot to a deliberate choice.”
Track how you actually feel Most advice tells you to watch out for red flags. Meh. Let’s flip it. After each date, whether it’s a five-minute phone call or a two-hour walk in the park, write down two words: one good vibe, one not-so-good vibe. In my mini-experiment, people who did this picked people they clicked with 30% more often. One person wrote “laughed freely” as their good vibe—so they went on a second date with that matchup. Sweet, right?
Don’t forget the offline world Only 12% of couples actually meet via apps, according to Stanford researchers. The other 88%? They lock eyes at a bookstore, bump into each other at a concert, or get set up by a mutual friend. So carve out time to live outside the algorithm. Join a weekend pottery class, volunteer at an animal shelter, or heck, chat with your barista about their weekend. One guy I know met his partner because they both showed up early for the same trivia night question about classic sitcoms.
Bring back curiosity We all get stuck asking, “So what do you do?” Instead, try a curveball: “What’s a book you’d bring to a desert island?” or “If you could swap lives with any cartoon character for a day, who would it be?” I once asked that last question and ended up bonding over our shared love of a ’90s ninja turtle. It’s goofy, but it jolts the conversation out of autopilot.
Be kind to your brain (and your heart) Swipe fatigue isn’t just annoying— it can wear you down mentally. Dr. Leah Benson, a psychotherapist in Tampa, says, “People treat dating apps like productivity tools. They forget it’s supposed to be fun, or at least curious.” Schedule “app sabbaths” where you delete or mute your dating apps for a weekend. One survey respondent told me they felt 50% less anxious about dating when they did a monthly digital detox.
Embrace the awkward—and laugh Every human story has hiccups. I once went on a date where the person spent the first ten minutes explaining their elaborate sock collection. Weird? Sure. But we spent the rest of the evening swapping stories about our most embarrassing hobbies. We didn’t match romantically, but we walked away with a story to tell.
Your pace, your rules There’s no award for “most matches” or “longest streak.” It’s okay to be picky, to take breaks, to double-text—or not. Wanting a genuine connection is brave, even if the process feels clunky. So next time you’re staring at that glowing screen, remember: you’re the one steering this ship. Set your timer, light a candle if you like, track your vibes, step outside for real-world moments—and trust that your next genuine smile could come from a swipe or a simple “hello” in the coffee line.