Before you get too deep into it, take a step back and be honest with yourself. Emotions can cloud judgment, and let’s be real—when you like someone, logic doesn’t always win. But thinking things through now can save you from a lot of unnecessary drama, heartbreak, or even regret. Here’s what you really need to consider.
1. It’s okay to have feelings, but what you do with them matters
Liking someone who’s taken doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re human. You don’t get to control who you’re attracted to, but you do get to control your actions. Feeling something and acting on it are two very different things. If they’re already in a relationship, that means there’s someone else’s heart in the mix. Even if their relationship isn’t perfect (and let’s be honest, no relationship is), it’s still a commitment that should be respected.
2. What do you actually like about them?
Sometimes, people get caught up in the idea of someone rather than who they actually are. When someone’s in a relationship, they might seem more appealing because they’re “off-limits.” It’s the classic case of wanting what you can’t have. Ask yourself—do you really like them for who they are, or is it just the fact that they’re taken that makes them seem more attractive? Would you still feel this way if they were single?
3. If they’re flirting with you, that’s a red flag
If the person you like is in a relationship but they’re flirting with you, that’s not a great sign. It might feel exciting in the moment, but think about what it says about them. If they’re willing to be emotionally (or physically) unfaithful now, it’s worth questioning what that means for the future. If they were ever single and you two got together, would you always wonder if they’d do the same thing to you?
4. Respect their relationship (even if they say it’s not great)
Maybe they’ve told you that their relationship isn’t going well. Maybe they even say they’re thinking about breaking up. But until they actually do, they’re still in that relationship. Hearing someone complain about their partner doesn’t mean they’re ready to leave them. It’s not your job to be the person they turn to for emotional support if it crosses into romantic territory.
5. Be honest with yourself about what you want
Are you hoping they’ll leave their partner for you? Are you just enjoying the attention? Do you like the challenge? Do you want something casual, or are you looking for a real relationship? If you’re hoping they’ll break up with their partner, ask yourself if that’s fair to you. Do you really want to be in a situation where you’re waiting around for someone who may or may not leave their current relationship?
6. If they do break up, take things slow
If they do eventually break up and you’re still interested, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time to jump right into something with them. People need time to heal after a breakup, especially if it was a long-term relationship. Rebound relationships rarely work out, and the last thing you want is to be the person they use to fill a void.
7. Don’t put your life on hold
It’s easy to get caught up in feelings, but don’t let them stop you from living your own life. Don’t spend all your time thinking about someone who may never be available. Keep dating, keep meeting people, and don’t settle for a “what if.” There are so many people out there who are single and emotionally available—why focus all your energy on someone who isn’t?
8. If you need to, create some distance
If your feelings are getting stronger and you know it’s not healthy, sometimes the best thing to do is put some space between you and them. That doesn’t mean you have to cut them off completely (unless that’s what you need), but taking a step back can help you gain clarity and move on.
9. Don’t compromise your own values
Everyone has their own boundaries and moral compass. If you wouldn’t want someone doing this to you in a relationship, then don’t do it to someone else. It’s easy to justify things when you’re in the middle of them, but think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed.
10. Someone else being taken doesn’t mean you’re missing out
It can be frustrating to really like someone who isn’t available, but don’t fall into the mindset that they’re the only person you could possibly be happy with. The right person for you will be single, ready, and willing to build something real. Letting go of this situation might be the best thing you can do for yourself, because it opens the door for something better.
At the end of the day, your time and energy are valuable
Liking someone who’s taken can feel all-consuming, but ask yourself if this situation is really giving you what you need. The best relationships don’t start with uncertainty, waiting, or hoping for someone to change their mind. The right person will choose you from the start, without hesitation. Focus on what you deserve, not just what your heart wants in the moment.