Why it’s always someone else’s fault (according to them)

You know that one person. The one who seems allergic to the words “I was wrong.” If there’s a problem, they had nothing to do with it. If something falls apart, it was probably your fault—or the weather, or Mercury in retrograde. That, my friends, is someone who never takes accountability.

It’s not just annoying. It’s exhausting. Because being around someone like that means you’re constantly picking up the slack, apologizing for things you didn’t do, or questioning if you were the problem when deep down, you know you weren’t.

Now, we’ve all messed up. Every one of us. Forgot to text back, lost our temper, maybe even said something we shouldn’t have. The difference? Most of us eventually go, “Yeah... that one’s on me.” But for someone who never takes accountability? That sentence might as well be written in ancient Greek. It’s not coming out of their mouth anytime soon.

And look, this isn’t just a personality quirk. Psychologists have actually studied this stuff. There’s something called the “self-serving bias.” It’s when people credit themselves for successes, but blame others or outside forces for failures. Like when you get an A on a test—obviously, you're a genius. But if it’s a D? That teacher clearly has it out for you.

We all do this to some degree. But someone who lives in that mindset? That’s where things get messy.

Let’s put it in everyday terms.

Imagine working with someone like this. You’re on a project together. You pull late nights, triple-check the details, and still, the presentation bombs. What happens? Do they admit they forgot to send the final version? Of course not. They blame the software. Or you. Or “poor communication” (even though you sent six reminder emails). And guess who looks bad in the meeting? Spoiler: not them.

Or maybe it’s in relationships. You try to talk about something that upset you, and suddenly you’re the problem for “being too sensitive.” They don’t hear what you’re saying. They’re too busy defending their perfect record. It’s like arguing with a brick wall that also gaslights you.

Honestly, you can’t win. Because to someone who never takes accountability, admitting fault feels like losing. Like weakness. But here’s the thing: real strength? It’s being able to say, “I messed up, and I’m going to fix it.”

The weird part is, people like this often don’t even realize they’re doing it. It’s not always some big evil plan to avoid responsibility. Sometimes, they genuinely believe they’re in the right. All. The. Time. That’s what makes it so tricky.

There’s even research that links this kind of behavior to insecurity. According to a 2020 study from the University of California, people who struggle with self-worth are more likely to blame others to protect their fragile ego. It’s like emotional bubble wrap—they can’t afford to pop even one flaw without the whole thing deflating.

So what do you do when you’re dealing with someone like this?

Well, first: don’t get caught in the blame game. You can’t win at a game where the rules change every five seconds. Instead, focus on your own lane. Stay honest. Stay calm. And if you have to walk away for your own peace of mind? That’s not petty—that’s smart.

Second: stop waiting for the apology. It might never come. And honestly, even if it does, it might be one of those fake ones like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” which is basically code for, “I’m still not wrong.”

And hey, if you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh no... is that me?”—first of all, gold star for self-awareness. That’s already more than most. If you’ve been avoiding blame like it’s a cold pizza slice, maybe it’s time to sit with that for a sec. Ask yourself: what’s so scary about being wrong? Spoiler—it won’t kill you. But it might actually help you grow.

At the end of the day, we’re all human. We all screw up. But being able to admit it? That’s what separates the grown-ups from the finger-pointers.

And honestly, if the choice is between being someone who never takes accountability and someone who owns their stuff, flaws and all—I’ll take real any day over perfect.

Because let’s be real: perfect doesn’t exist.

But accountable? That’s something you can actually work on. Even if it’s one awkward, uncomfortable “yeah, I messed up” at a time.

And if someone in your life keeps dodging responsibility like it’s a dodgeball tournament? You don’t have to fix them. You just have to decide how close you want to stand when the next ball flies.

So here’s to taking responsibility. Even when it’s awkward. Even when it stings a little. Even when chocolate would be easier.

At least with accountability, you can sleep at night. And that, my friend, is worth more than being “right” all the time.