Yeah, I've been there. We've all been there.
The thing is, that first text after a date is weirdly important. It's not make-or-break, but it can definitely influence whether you see each other again. I've seen people completely blow it with terrible timing or cringey messages. I've also seen people overthink it so much they end up saying nothing at all.
Here's what I've learned about getting it right.
When to Actually Send That Text
Most people will tell you to wait 24 hours or some arbitrary number like that. But honestly? It depends on how the date went.
If you had an amazing time and you could tell they did too, texting them later that same night isn't desperate. It's just honest. I remember this one date where we talked for hours at this little wine bar, and I was practically floating home. I texted her around 11 PM just to say I had a great time. She texted back immediately saying she was hoping I would.
But if you're unsure about how they felt, waiting until the next evening is probably smarter. Gives you both time to process things.
The real mistake is waiting too long. I once waited four days to text someone because I was following some stupid dating rule I read online. By the time I reached out, she'd already made plans with someone else. Lesson learned.
What to Actually Say
This is where most people mess up. They either send something super generic like "Hey" or they write a novel about their feelings. Neither works.
Start with something real. Thank them for their time, mention something specific that happened, and keep it light. Don't make them work too hard to respond.
Last month I went on this date where we spent twenty minutes arguing about whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it does, fight me). My text was something like: "Thanks for dinner! Still can't believe you think pineapple pizza is a crime against humanity. Had a really good time though - would love to do it again soon."
She wrote back defending her pizza stance and suggesting we try this place she knew that had both regular and pineapple options. Perfect.
See how that works? I referenced something we talked about, kept it playful, and gave her an easy way to respond.
The Messages That Actually Get Responses
Here's what tends to work:
"Had such a good time tonight! Your story about accidentally ending up at that poetry slam was hilarious. Hope your presentation went well today - would love to hear how it went over coffee sometime."
"Thanks for showing me that bookstore! I already bought three books I definitely don't have time to read. Really enjoyed getting to know you - hope we can do this again soon."
"Still laughing about that waiter who kept trying to guess our relationship status. Thanks for being such good company. I'd love to see you again - maybe somewhere they won't assume we're siblings?"
Notice how these all reference specific moments from the date? That's not by accident. It shows you were actually paying attention and not just going through the motions.
Don't Do These Things (Please)
I've seen some truly terrible post-date texts. Learn from other people's mistakes:
Don't send multiple texts in a row. Send one message and then wait. I don't care if you thought of something funny to add - keep it to yourself until they respond.
Don't get too serious too fast. Save the deep conversations about your future together for when you've actually established that there might be a future.
Don't text them at weird hours. 2 AM texts make you look like you're drunk or desperate or both.
And for the love of all that is holy, don't send anything sexual. I shouldn't have to say this, but apparently some people need to hear it.
Reading Between the Lines
Once you send that text, you'll probably spend way too much time analyzing their response. Here's the reality check you need:
If they respond quickly with something longer than "thanks," that's good. If they ask questions or bring up something from your date, even better.
If they take forever to respond or give you one-word answers, they're probably not that interested. Don't take it personally - sometimes people just aren't feeling it.
If they don't respond at all after a couple days, move on. Seriously. Don't send follow-up texts asking if they got your message. They got it.
Setting Up Round Two
If their response is positive, you can start thinking about suggesting another date. But don't do it immediately. Exchange a few messages first, let the conversation flow naturally.
When you do suggest meeting up again, be specific. "Want to hang out sometime?" is lazy and puts all the work on them. "Remember that museum you mentioned? They have a new exhibit opening this weekend - want to check it out?" is much better.
The Truth About Dating Anxiety
Look, I get it. Dating is stressful. You meet someone you actually like, and suddenly every text feels like it could make or break everything. But here's what I've figured out after years of this nonsense:
If someone is right for you, they're not going to be scared off by a genuine text about having enjoyed your time together. And if they are scared off by that? Then they weren't right for you anyway.
The best relationships I've had started with simple, honest communication. No games, no weird strategies, just two people being upfront about liking each other's company.
My Personal Disasters (So You Don't Have to Have Them)
I once sent a text that was so long it required multiple messages. The person responded with "????" and I never heard from them again.
Another time, I waited so long to text someone that when I finally did, they said "Who is this?" Turns out they'd deleted my number.
I've also made the mistake of trying to be too clever or funny in that first text. It usually comes across as trying too hard.
The texts that have worked best for me are the ones that felt most natural to write. When I stopped trying to craft the perfect message and just said what I was actually thinking, things went much better.
Stop Overthinking It
The bottom line is this: if you had a good time and you think they did too, just tell them. Don't make it complicated. Don't follow some arbitrary timeline. Don't craft the perfect message for an hour.Write something honest, reference something from your date, and suggest seeing them again. Then put your phone away and go do something else.
Dating is supposed to be fun. Don't turn it into a strategic military operation where every text is analyzed to death. The right person will appreciate your honesty and want to see you again. The wrong person won't, and that's actually doing you a favor.
Trust me on this one: authentic beats perfect every single time.
Now stop reading dating advice and go text that person you've been thinking about.