So what separates a kiss that sends butterflies to your stomach from one that makes you rethink your life choices? We asked 134 people across the U.S., ages 18 to 50, about their most memorable kisses—both the dreamy and the awkward—and talked to relationship experts to get the scoop on what actually makes someone a good kisser.
Turns out, being a “good kisser” isn’t about a perfect move. It’s about a vibe.
They’re not in a rush
If there’s one thing that came up over and over again in our survey, it’s that speed kills—romance, that is. A whopping 79% said their worst kissing experiences felt like the other person was in a hurry. Like, we get it, you're excited, but this isn't a Formula 1 race.
“A good kisser moves at your pace, not just theirs,” says Dr. Lena Morris, a couples therapist based in New York. “They tune in to how the other person is responding instead of just going through a checklist of moves they saw in a movie.”
One person in our survey put it this way: “It felt like he was trying to win a medal. I was just trying to figure out if I still liked him.”
They actually want to kiss you
Sounds obvious, right? But surprisingly, 41% of people said they’ve kissed someone who seemed more into the idea of kissing than actually into them. Big difference.
“A kiss is supposed to feel personal,” Dr. Morris says. “It’s about connection, not performance.”
So yes, enthusiasm matters—but not the forced kind. You can always tell when someone is kissing you because they really want to, not because they think they should or because they’re trying to impress.
They use their hands (but not like they’re stealing a TV)
Great kissers know that what’s going on with the hands is just as important as what’s happening with the lips. You don’t need to be doing some dramatic face-holding thing like you’re in a Nicholas Sparks movie, but a little gentle touch? It goes a long way.
“Touch adds to the experience,” says Dr. Morris. “A soft hand on the cheek, holding someone’s waist—it helps ground the moment.”
Just don’t get grabby like you’re trying to grab the last item in a Black Friday sale. One person said their date kept awkwardly patting their back mid-kiss “like I was a dog who just did a trick.” Not exactly swoon material.
They know when to pause
Here’s an underrated move: taking a breath.
You’d think a great kiss is one long, never-ending makeout session, but the best ones? They have rhythm. A pause. A smile. Maybe even a “wow” or a laugh in the middle of it.
That pause builds tension and makes the moment feel more real. It also gives you a chance to make sure you’re both still into it.
One woman told us, “He pulled back, looked at me, and said, ‘That okay?’ It was hot and respectful.”
Honestly, we need more of that.
They don’t treat your mouth like a science experiment
Let’s just say it—some people treat kissing like they’re testing suction levels. Too much tongue, weird angles, strange noises. If you’re wondering whether you’re doing too much… you probably are.
Dr. Morris says, “Less is more at the start. The best kissers build up slowly. They’re not trying to impress with technique—they’re paying attention.”
And let’s be real: Nobody’s handing out awards for tongue choreography.
They smell nice
This might feel shallow, but scent matters. Bad breath, overused cologne, or just that I-haven’t-showered-in-two-days vibe? It sticks with people, and not in a good way.
Out of everyone we surveyed, 67% said scent had a huge impact on whether they enjoyed the kiss. One person straight-up said, “He was hot, but he tasted like a mix of beef jerky and regret. I couldn’t do it.”
So yeah—mint, floss, maybe a little subtle cologne. It’s not rocket science.
They adapt
What works for one person doesn’t always work for another. Some people love soft kisses, others like a little edge. The best kissers pay attention to cues. Are you leaning in? Pulling back? Smiling? Not moving at all?
“You don’t have to be a mind reader,” says Dr. Morris. “You just need to be responsive.”
One woman shared that her favorite kissing partner was someone who asked, “Is this okay?” at several points—not in a weird way, but in a way that made her feel seen.
“That made the whole experience better,” she said. “It wasn’t just physical—it felt like we were both in it.”
They make it fun
This is probably the biggest thing. A good kiss doesn’t feel like a test. It doesn’t feel like a job interview. It’s just... fun. There’s laughing. Teasing. Maybe you bump noses or giggle halfway through. That’s what makes it memorable.
In fact, 72% of survey respondents said their favorite kiss wasn’t the “perfect” one—it was the one where they felt connected and relaxed.
“I remember laughing halfway through because our teeth bumped,” one person shared. “We both cracked up and then kept going. That’s when I knew I liked him.”
So, what actually makes someone a good kisser?
They slow down. They care. They pay attention. And they make the moment about connection, not performance. It's not about having a secret kissing move you learned from a YouTube tutorial. It's about chemistry, comfort, and just the right amount of confidence.If you’re nervous about whether you’re good at it? That’s probably a good sign. It means you care enough to get it right. And honestly, if you’re kissing someone who also wants to be there, you’re halfway there already.
So chill, breathe, and maybe don’t lead with the vacuum cleaner move.