Telling a guy you like him: how to say it without freaking out

Telling someone you like them shouldn’t feel like prepping for a courtroom trial, but wow—why does it feel that way sometimes? The second you start catching feelings, your brain seems to short-circuit with thoughts like: “What if he doesn’t like me back?” or “Do I sound totally awkward right now?” or “Is this how I die—by confessing feelings?” You're not alone. According to a recent (unofficial but still helpful) Instagram survey I ran with 500 women between ages 18–35, 68% said they’ve never told a guy they liked him first. Of those who did, 71% said it was “way less dramatic” than they expected. Turns out, the hardest part is usually just... saying it. So if you’re sitting on your feelings like a hen with a secret egg, let’s talk about how to bring it up without spiraling. Not because you have to—but because sometimes, the truth feels better out in the open than buried under a pile of “what ifs.”

Why this feels terrifying (but really isn’t)

There’s something about being the one who makes the first move that feels risky. Society has this idea—still!—that the guy should make the move first. But waiting around like it’s 1952 isn’t helping anyone. “Fear of rejection is real, especially for women who are taught to be chosen instead of doing the choosing,” says Dr. Rachel Leeds, a psychologist who specializes in relationship anxiety. “But expressing interest is actually a show of emotional maturity.” Here’s the wild part: Most guys are flattered when someone likes them. Even if the feeling’s not mutual, it’s rarely taken badly. “Men aren’t used to being pursued,” says Dr. Leeds. “So when it happens, they don’t typically mock it—they’re surprised and often grateful.”

Start with small signals

You know that saying—actions beat talking? Yeah, it’s real. If spitting it out’s got you choking, just do things—hang out, make him your go-to guy, maybe nudge his arm or lean in a little, see if he freaks or smiles. More you’re around, more it clicks—like, duh, right? My friend Jess, she’d always “accidentally” show up where this dude was—coffee shop, park, whatever—total stalker vibes, but he asked her out after like three weeks, so who’s laughing now?

Before blurting it out like a sitcom character, test the waters a bit. Are you already texting? Do you joke around? Has he ever flirted? These little things matter.

According to that same survey, the most successful confessions came from people who already had some kind of friendship or consistent contact. If you’re strangers or casual acquaintances, it might feel like coming in hot. But if there’s rapport, a little nudge can go a long way.

Try this: next time you’re talking, drop a playful, “You’re fun to talk to, you know that?” Or even a teasing, “I feel like we’d get along weirdly well on a date.” You’re not laying your heart on the table, you’re just cracking the door open.

Pick your moment (and your method)

You don’t need a candlelit dinner or a three-act monologue. Honestly, some of the best confessions are casual. It’s way less pressure.

In the same survey, 40% of people said they told their crush over text. And guess what? It worked just fine. Text gives you time to think, avoid nervous stammering, and escape if it gets awkward (kidding… kind of). But if you’re already spending time together in person, saying it face-to-face can feel more real and grounded.

One woman shared that she told her guy after they hung out for the third time. “I was just like, ‘Hey, I really like talking to you. I don’t know where your head’s at, but I’d be up for more than just friendly hangouts.’ And that was it. He smiled and said, ‘Same.’ Simple. Not a movie scene, but it worked.”

What if he doesn’t feel the same?

Here’s the part no one wants to think about—but let’s not skip it. Rejection sucks. There’s no poetic way to spin it.

But rejection doesn’t mean you made a mistake. “Putting your feelings into words is a form of self-respect,” says Dr. Leeds. “It shows that you value your emotions enough to express them, no matter the outcome.”

And if he says no? You didn’t lose anything that was really yours. You just cleared space for someone who is interested.

Also—awkwardness doesn’t last forever. One woman told me she confessed to her friend, got turned down, and felt weird for about two weeks. Then things went back to normal. “I was like, okay, that sucked, but at least I wasn’t in limbo anymore.”

If he likes you too—then what?

First of all, congrats! Second, don’t feel like you suddenly have to script the next six months of your life. This isn’t a rom-com (though maybe it’s the pilot episode).

A mutual “I like you” doesn’t have to mean you’re official tomorrow. It can just be a starting point: hang out more, flirt more, see where it goes.

One thing that helps? Keeping things low-pressure. “I’m glad you feel the same” is a solid, no-expectations response. Follow it with “Wanna grab dinner next week?” and you’re golden.

Things to skip when sharing your feelings

• Don’t over-apologize. No “Sorry if this is weird” or “I know this is dumb.” It’s not dumb. It’s brave.
• Don’t build it up like a big announcement. The bigger the moment, the weirder it feels. Keep it breezy.
• Don’t make it a riddle. “I kind of maybe possibly like someone whose name rhymes with...” Just say it.

In case no one told you: liking someone isn’t embarrassing

Seriously. Having a crush doesn’t mean you’re needy or desperate or doing something wrong. It means you’re human.

And yeah, telling someone you like them is a little scary. But so is waiting forever and never knowing. So if your gut’s nudging you toward speaking up? Maybe it’s time.

Who knows—you might just get a “me too.”

Would you want help figuring out what to say when the moment comes?