You’re not imagining it. Swiping can mess with your brain. The constant cycle of hope, small talk, ghosting, and repeat is exhausting. Think of it like fast food for your love life—quick, addictive, but not all that nourishing. And after a while, your brain starts to rebel.
“I see a lot of clients who feel emotionally burnt out after months or years on dating apps,” says Dr. Karen Northrup, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships and stress. “There’s this sense of endless choice, but very little satisfaction. It starts to feel less like dating and more like shopping. And nobody wants to feel like a clearance item.”
In a small Instagram poll of 312 people between 24 and 41 years old, 78% said they feel more anxious after using dating apps than before. One person wrote, “It feels like I’m collecting screenshots, not connections.” Another said, “I check the app even when I don’t want to. I swipe and then immediately close it. It’s like muscle memory.”
So what’s actually going on in your brain?
Dopamine. That’s what. It’s the same chemical that lights up when you eat chocolate or scroll TikTok for three hours straight without blinking. When you swipe and match, your brain gets a hit of “ooh, someone likes me!” But it fades fast. And you’re left chasing the next hit. That’s how apps keep you hooked.
But there’s a downside. “This constant stimulation tricks your brain into thinking something better is always one swipe away,” Dr. Northrup explains. “That creates decision fatigue and emotional detachment. People start to feel like nothing is good enough—or that they’re not good enough.”
It’s kind of wild when you think about it. Something meant to help people connect is actually making a lot of us feel more isolated. Like a never-ending loop of "meh."
Okay, so how do you fix it without becoming a hermit?
First: pause the apps. Not delete forever, not toss your phone in a lake, just pause. Take a week or two where you don’t open them at all. Yes, the FOMO will be real for like 48 hours. Then your brain will start to chill.
“I usually tell people to treat dating apps like caffeine,” says relationship coach Maya Len. “It’s not evil, but if it’s messing with your sleep or your mood, pull back. You don’t need to quit cold turkey. Just take breaks and see how you feel.”
Second: remind yourself that dating is not a numbers game. Seriously. More swipes doesn’t mean better odds. According to a study published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people who dated more frequently online reported lower satisfaction in their matches over time. Why? Because quantity doesn't magically create quality. Go figure.
Try meeting people the old-school way—like, in real life. Yes, it’s awkward. Yes, it can be weird. But you know what? Saying “hi” at a coffee shop or joining a friend’s game night might feel more human than texting “wyd?” to someone you haven’t met yet.
And this part’s important: check your mindset. Are you dating because you want to, or because you’re scared of being alone? It’s okay to want love. That’s normal. But if dating feels like a chore or a competition, it’s time to rewire a bit.
“People forget that dating is optional,” says Len. “There’s this pressure to be ‘out there,’ but being single isn’t some disease you have to cure. You can take a break and still be a whole, interesting person.”
Reset your brain, not just your apps
Instead of hunting for “the one” like you’re on a deadline, try focusing on stuff that actually makes you happy. That could be learning to cook something fancy-ish, hanging out with friends more often, or finally starting that pottery class you keep pretending you’re too busy for.
Here’s a wild idea: date yourself. Take yourself out to dinner, see a movie alone, go for a long walk without headphones. Figure out what feels good when no one’s watching. That’s the stuff that builds confidence, and confidence is basically the sexiest thing anyone can have.
And hey, when (or if) you go back to the apps, do it with a fresh brain. Set a time limit. Message people you actually find interesting, not just whoever’s closest. And remember: it’s okay to unmatch. You don’t owe strangers your energy.
Also? Stop letting bad dates make you feel bad about you. A dud date doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It just means you met someone who’s not your person. That’s it. It’s not that deep.
One last thing
If dating feels like a second job and your self-esteem is on life support, talk to someone. A therapist, a coach, even a brutally honest friend. Sometimes all it takes is saying out loud, “This sucks and I don’t know what I’m doing,” to start feeling human again.Dating doesn’t have to feel like work. It can be weird, funny, messy, and even kind of fun—if you stop swiping long enough to feel like yourself again.
So take a breath. Log out for a bit. Your brain—and your heart—will thank you.